Togikwatako Remedy: One Man’s Strategic Tricks on how to foil the Constitutional Alteration of Article 102-b

Stopping Hands (Internet photos)

Opinion: First and foremost, I recognize that President Museveni is a Military General and a good organizer. He cannot be defeated in his schemes by pedestrians or part-time thinkers. President Museveni can only be defeated by smart organizers. For a person to defeat him in any scheme, you must first qualify to be a rebel and a Military one at that.

My strategy would be hinged on three pillars and these are; 1. Denying the NRM the numbers required to approve the amendment in Parliament on the D-Day, 2. Using the attention-hungry opposition Politicians to engage the Police Force and stretch it to maximum and 3. Psychologically preparing the NRM members of Parliament for the events of the day. Read on…

In order to implement the strategy by executing the three pillars above, we need funds. The state has created a sophisticated intelligence machinery that keeps track of the NGOs and other players in the Civil Society and keeps tabs on all the funds that these organizations receive. This is how I would deal with the challenge of bringing in foreign funds.

Without divulging much detail of how, the best places to use to bring in money here are the M7 boot-licking sycophantic pastors with Mega Churches and Shrines in Kampala, the Military where most senior officers spend the better part of the day chasing dime in illicit gold and diamond trade, then Police CID where senior detectives are more interested in sharing in the loot of conmen rather than subjecting the potential suspects to justice.

In short, to move between USD200k and USD500k, you simply need to get a Mzungu in the US or UK to craft a typical fake Gold transaction and move that money to a ‘conman’ in Kampala or to the account of one of the sycophantic senior military or police officers or better still, pretend to be supporting an orphanage project of one of the mega churches. Trust me, you will be able to cash in at least 80% of the money as the 20% can wet the beaks of the cops, military guys or the pastoral team. This kind of strategy is called ‘flowing with the river’. This is the way the fake middle class in Uganda created and sustained.

With the money in Kampala and safely in the right hands and with protection of the guys that blindly support M7, we would now have logistics to execute our strategy. I must add a disclaimer that, we have a small team of very trusted incorruptible senior citizens controlling these finances.

Pillar 1: Denying NRM the numbers required to pass the amendment on the D-Day

In order to deny the NRM numbers on the D-day, there is a need to have small teams of at least 5-10 people facilitated to keep constant surveillance on at least 100 NRM or NRM-leaning Independent Members of Parliament for at least two to three weeks before the D-Day . These 100 NRM Members of Parliament need not be the vocal ones such as Abiriga, Anite, Magyezi, Nabbanja, Ogwang, Amule, etc.

We need to identify the docile and non-vocal ones that have never even made a maiden speech on the floor – yes I mean the voting machines (and they are over 150 in number). These need to be surveilled to great detail so as to know their favorite pork joints, bufundas and side-dishes. With sufficient information on this, we can use the side-dishes to take these fellows on drinking sprees and drown them in booze and sex on the eve of and on the D-Day of the sitting to pass the amendment.

In fact, they ought to be lured to go and eat life in places such as Chobe, Mweya Safari Lodge where they cannot easily return to attend the sitting. For some of these, they can be dragged in the pork and beer to make them sleep the entire day of the sitting. For those that are non-drinkers, but come from regions where white ants (enswa) are a popular delicacy, you can use the side dishes to lure them to a breakfast of enswa on the D-Day so that they can develop running stomachs at the hour of the sitting and be forced to keep in the vicinity of the toilets rather than the chambers of Parliament.

There is an outside chance that there are some Members of Parliament that will not be trapped by any of the tricks above, but at least their movements will be known as a result of the surveillance operation. These just need to be ambushed in their Kampala homes by delegations of elders, religious and cultural leaders from their Constituencies who should spend the entire day pleading with them to put the country ahead of their personal quest for money. These ought to ambush the Members of Parliament with prepared written commitments for the Member of Parliament to sign committing himself or herself to honour this position.

If we target 120 NRM Members of Parliament with this strategy and achieve at least 70% success rate, we would have denied NRM 84 Members of Parliament and the majority required to meet the two-thirds requirement to amend the Constitution.

Pillar 2: Using the Opposition Politicians to engage Police and stretch them on the D-Day

We would need to ensure that Police is engaged in running battles all over Kampala Central. The Opposition Politicians need to be facilitated to drum up support for popular mass action in the Central Business District on the D-Day. This will tempt Police to call up their men from other regions of Kampala Metropolitan to come and beef up security in a bid to foil the demonstration.

Meanwhile these opposition Members of Parliament can be taken to Mbale Town at least three days to the D-day and they enter Mbale Town on the D-Day from all directions with masses and enjoy live TV/Video coverage on Facebook and other online channels. The masses would need to be fed to keep them around for some good hours. Hon. Nandala Mafabi can ably coordinate this operation.

When Police hits the road to Mbale to deal with the prominent opposition politicians, we can then use local leaders in Kampala (who are mostly opposition) to lead masses into open spaces around Kampala and distribute red ribbons. University students need to be given unlimited data bundles to relay these actions on WhatsApp and Facebook live. The images and videos should depict a regime that is falling due to mass action. This must serve to show the NRM Members of Parliament that they are going to find themselves on the wrong side of history.

Pillar 3: Psychologically preparing the NRM members of Parliament for the events of the D-Day

The sycophants better known as NRM Members of Parliament are used to the impunity that has kept the NRM Government in power and have not really tasted impunity from the masses. I would ensure that we have a team that can study the Kabaka Yekka intimidation methods of the 1960’s and apply them now. We would just need to identify the plantations, kraals and radio stations of these NRM Members of Parliament who are playing safe by not coming out clearly to state where they fall on this Togikwatako issue. We would then organize squads of youth to visit and entertain their plantations, radio stations, cattle on their farms in the final weeks leading to the D-Day.

Another Psychological operation would target the Speaker, Rt. Hon. Rebecca Kadaga. You get some gourds and traditional regalia and have them dropped inside her hotel in Kamuli with letters warning her of the fatal ways in which the gods of Busoga are going to strike her for selling her soul. This would then be followed by infiltrating her inner circle of confidantes to suggest to her a witchdoctor that can help in this matter.

The witchdoctor would then be coached on what to tell Kadaga. The witchdoctor would tell her that some of the Members of Parliament who were battered by Security Forces in Parliament the other day went to the Indian Ocean and bewitched her and the fatalities that are about to hit her are threefold. The witchdoctor would advise her that the gods can only forgive her if she sacrificed 100 human beings (males) of Blood Group O and who are not circumcised or if she crosses camp and joins the Togikwatako side of the divide publicly. Her entire visit to the shrine needs to be video-taped and leaked to social media – trust me, it will end up in the main stream media.

If these three pillars of the strategy are executed with a 70% success rate, Gen. Museveni would take note that there is a new Ssabalwanyi on the block who is likely to overthrow him. He would be hunting for me, but I would be sheepishly smiling as I watch him address the press that night from Statehouse Entebbe wearing a full military combat. I hope the right audience of my readers take it seriously and acts!

For God and My Country!

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