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    Deal: Over 50,000 Housing Units to be supplied as NWSC and NHCC Sign Water Partnership MOU

    From Streams to Screens: Here Unveiling the IT and Digital Transformation of Uganda`s National Water and Sewerage Corporation Corp

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    Trouble as Ministry of Internal Affairs is drawn into a High-Stakes Child Custody Battle Involving a Prominent City Car Dealer being Accused of Immigration Influence

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    Deal: Over 50,000 Housing Units to be supplied as NWSC and NHCC Sign Water Partnership MOU

    From Streams to Screens: Here Unveiling the IT and Digital Transformation of Uganda`s National Water and Sewerage Corporation Corp

    Stealing A Glance at Balokole Polls: Pastor Kyazze Takes Early Lead as Bisiyaga Assumes the Center Stage at The Election of New Leadership Today

    Stealing A Glance at Balokole Polls: Pastor Kyazze Takes Early Lead as Bisiyaga Assumes the Center Stage at The Election of New Leadership Today

    Fake Blackmail: Let Ham Deliver Nakivubo Stadia instead of Labeling Bond Okello, Audrine Nsubuga Unpatriotic

    Fake Blackmail: Let Ham Deliver Nakivubo Stadia instead of Labeling Bond Okello, Audrine Nsubuga Unpatriotic

    Heroine! Presidency Minister Milly Babalanda Saves Kyabazinga from Physical Assault at the Canada Busoga Symposium

    Heroine! Presidency Minister Milly Babalanda Saves Kyabazinga from Physical Assault at the Canada Busoga Symposium

    All Royal: HRH Kamuswaga Concludes His Official Trip to California with Lots of Investors` Attraction to Kooki Kingdom

    All Royal: HRH Kamuswaga Concludes His Official Trip to California with Lots of Investors` Attraction to Kooki Kingdom

    Of Daily Monitor’s 30th Well-Earned Birth Bazaar And the Tough Scribes That Have kept M7`s Sleep in Constant Check

    Of Daily Monitor’s 30th Well-Earned Birth Bazaar And the Tough Scribes That Have kept M7`s Sleep in Constant Check

    Trending Tags

    • Trump Inauguration
    • United Stated
    • White House
    • Market Stories
    • Election Results
  • Tech
    • All
    • Apps
    • Gadget
    • Mobile
    • Startup
    Digital Technologies Could Help Uganda’s Economy Recover Faster

    Digital Technologies Could Help Uganda’s Economy Recover Faster

    Liquid Telecom to host first cloud event of its kind in Uganda

    Liquid Telecom to host first cloud event of its kind in Uganda

    TECNO Mobile Uganda Skills Graduates Through Its Graduate Trainee Program

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    UNBS closes Sunshare factory over failure to comply with Standards

    UNBS closes Sunshare factory over failure to comply with Standards

    Outgoing PRAU President Cynthia Mpanga (right) hands over the key to new PRAU President Sarah Kagingo as PRAU Patron Min. Frank Tumwebaze looks on

    Hon. Frank Tumwebaze graces PRAU Governing Council Handover Ceremony

    UG Pineapple at B&W

    It was Blankets and Pineapple Waragi as SA’s Distruction Boys entertain Kampala

    Trending Tags

    • Nintendo Switch
    • CES 2017
    • Playstation 4 Pro
    • Mark Zuckerberg
  • Entertainment
    • All
    • Gaming
    • Movie
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    Fare Thee Well Darling: Delicately Voiced Singer Evelyn Nakabira ‘Lagu’ Goes Home Sad and Disappointed but with a Hope-filled Smile

    Fare Thee Well Darling: Delicately Voiced Singer Evelyn Nakabira ‘Lagu’ Goes Home Sad and Disappointed but with a Hope-filled Smile

    Micho: The `Serbian Wol-Off`s Second Marriage Whose Divorce was Simply a Waste of Time, One With Magogo and Not for Football

    Micho: The `Serbian Wol-Off`s Second Marriage Whose Divorce was Simply a Waste of Time, One With Magogo and Not for Football

    Fahad Kawooya aka Uncle Bean: The Suzan Makula and Bujingo Villain who has Beaten all Odds to Miraculously get his Canada Dream Come True

    Fahad Kawooya aka Uncle Bean: The Suzan Makula and Bujingo Villain who has Beaten all Odds to Miraculously get his Canada Dream Come True

    MC Kats Set to Dent his Uganda Entertainment Profile and Enter the Gates of Hell if He Doesn’t Back Off the Consistent and Principled Alien Skin

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    Uganda and Kenya Still have to Prove their Might on the Continent as Organizers Kick Out the Afcon 2027 Bidding Neighbors Out of Maiden Clubs

    Uganda and Kenya Still have to Prove their Might on the Continent as Organizers Kick Out the Afcon 2027 Bidding Neighbors Out of Maiden Clubs

    No Thank You: Before we ‘Must’ Say Thank You, Take a Look at the Sickening Outside of the Beautiful Interior of Ham Kiggundu’s Nakivubo Stadium

    No Thank You: Before we ‘Must’ Say Thank You, Take a Look at the Sickening Outside of the Beautiful Interior of Ham Kiggundu’s Nakivubo Stadium

  • Lifestyle
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    Trouble as Ministry of Internal Affairs is drawn into a High-Stakes Child Custody Battle Involving a Prominent City Car Dealer being Accused of Immigration Influence

    Trouble as Ministry of Internal Affairs is drawn into a High-Stakes Child Custody Battle Involving a Prominent City Car Dealer being Accused of Immigration Influence

    Tribute to Elly Wamala: Remembering the Ever-Green Icon, the Father of Uganda’s Music Recording Industry and His Unforgettable Legacy

    Tribute to Elly Wamala: Remembering the Ever-Green Icon, the Father of Uganda’s Music Recording Industry and His Unforgettable Legacy

    Musambwa Goes Dormant: Government Soldiers Secure Buganda’s Mysterious Shrine Amidst Renovations of Mandela National Stadium”

    Musambwa Goes Dormant: Government Soldiers Secure Buganda’s Mysterious Shrine Amidst Renovations of Mandela National Stadium”

    Finding Peace and Healing: Sleeping with your biggest enemy sounds illogical! It is hard to safely put up with the real source of the trauma but…

    Finding Peace and Healing: Sleeping with your biggest enemy sounds illogical! It is hard to safely put up with the real source of the trauma but…

    Cross-Border Collaboration: Uganda’s NWSC and Malawi’s LWB Forge Strong Ties in Urban Sewerage Management

    Cross-Border Collaboration: Uganda’s NWSC and Malawi’s LWB Forge Strong Ties in Urban Sewerage Management

    ROARING MAJESTY: Taking You Around the Wilderness Trenches and Unravelling the Epic Saga of the King of The Jungle and His Fight for Survival

    ROARING MAJESTY: Taking You Around the Wilderness Trenches and Unravelling the Epic Saga of the King of The Jungle and His Fight for Survival

    Trending Tags

    • Golden Globes
    • Game of Thrones
    • MotoGP 2017
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    UNBS closes Sunshare factory over failure to comply with Standards

    UNBS closes Sunshare factory over failure to comply with Standards

    UG Pineapple at B&W

    It was Blankets and Pineapple Waragi as SA’s Distruction Boys entertain Kampala

    To Connect the Unconnected with Innovations towards Inclusive Growth

    To Connect the Unconnected with Innovations towards Inclusive Growth

    Cindy Sanyu

    Cindy Sanyu to headline Eastern Megafest

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Thursday With Joan Bonny: A lady comfy with a man caressing their boobs suddenly must have close connections with them

It’s really pointless to be afraid of people disliking you or being worried about what people will think of you if you clearly stamp your boundaries

December 8, 2022
inEntertainment, Featured, Lifestyle, Opinion
Thursday With Joan Bonny: When the Stranger Becomes your Hero than the People you are Familiar with, Know Better

The writer, Joan Atuhwera Bonny, is your Columnist on general lifestyle issues every week

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When we speak about healthy boundaries, we tend to do it in a sanctimonious manner as though we are not all culpable of constantly pushing to test our boundaries. The reality is that it is a natural human instinct to assess and know the lines of other people’s boundaries. Sometimes, we don’t assess them by testing the boundaries ourselves, rather, we gauge it by observing others` interaction and how much they tolerate others trampling on their boundaries. Even as kids, we were aware that it was unacceptable to make noise in some teacher’s classroom, while the same class was obnoxiously rowdy in another.

This is why, when we have never had a direct interaction with someone, merely by observing them, our instinct can quickly analyze situations and tell us whether someone is approachable or not. The same reason is why we consciously conduct ourselves with so much compartment and collectedness like we are the pinnacle of refinement when we initially interact with strangers. Then we loosen up after a while when we become friends. The same reason is why you understand the sensitivity of some friends and you are conscious when interacting with them. Meanwhile, you can call some of your friends “Bastard”, or even, “bitch” and you can be sure they will not be offended by it.

This is also why we understand that some people are rude, agreeable, confrontational, sensitive, tolerating etc. Perhaps, a logically plausible explanation for this curiosity to test boundaries is because the less the boundary we keep with a person, the more privileged we feel. That is, the more we can do and painlessly get away with things, the closer we are to that person. To put this into proper context, if someone could play with bosses, hair, we would most likely assume they have a special relation to warrant such congenial interaction. Furthermore, we would surmise that a lady who is unhesitant to have her breasts caressed unexpectedly by a man, must have a close connection with him.

Similarly, a boy under the same circumstance would not audaciously kiss a girl he has a crush on, unless he has assessed her boundaries with him and can risk trying to test a kiss. This is why I believe, we all test boundaries and it’s not that we are bad people, it is just human. I might be wrong, but that is the reasoning behind hypotheses. Hence, the understanding that boundaries will always be tested in relationships regardless of how cultured a person presents themselves to be, is exactly why boundaries must be set.

You live well with people when you clearly set your boundaries (Internet Photo)

A person who doesn’t fiercely react against their boundary violation is doomed to be seriously trampled upon.It’s really pointless to be afraid of people disliking you or being worried about what people will think of you if you clearly stamp your boundaries. What a lot of people don’t understand is that, at the end of the day, people would actually accept who are you are and understand, whether or not you are tolerant. A lot of us have haughty, secretive, sensitive, and confrontational friends, and we manage them. So, show your disdain when you can’t tolerate something, heaven won’t fall. Nature is a factor too. Some of us are naturally agreeable, scared of confrontation or even hate rancor all together. However, the irony is that there is stronger proclivity for rancor when we don’t check people early enough.

It’s better for your roommate to understand from day one that you don’t share your perfume than for you to tolerate it and then grumbling to others that you hate their guts. Yes, we can be tolerant, but we must express our disdain at things that make us uncomfortable. If you hate confrontation, you can as well express it in this polite and most peaceful way possible. People will always test your boundaries. But it’s your duty to establish your limits and clearly express them without compromising your comfort. If you find yourself repeatedly struggling with setting boundaries, either in certain areas or particular relationships, it can sometimes be useful to seek professional help. Sometimes, we have blind spot for our own experiences, sometimes old.

Unhealed trauma gets in the way and sometimes habitual patterns can be deeply entrenched and we may need some support to make the changes that we want. Do bear in mind that all change takes time, and it can, therefore, be important to notice all the small steps that you make as you go, even a seemingly small change can be very significant, and it all adds up. Take pleasure in your achievements, and don’t give up. Have a blessed Weekend ahead…

Author Profile

Joan Atuhwera
Joan Atuhwera
Joan Atuhwera is a Business Administration Graduate, a Human Rights activist and writer with over five years’ experience in pursuing justice for others via her keyboard. She can also be reached via email: [email protected] or WhatsApp +256774334595
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Comments 3

  1. Elijah says:
    10 months ago

    Thanks so much Joan its been great getting wisdom from your article
    May God grant you more knowledge

  2. Leocadia Akankwasa says:
    10 months ago

    I can assure you my love for reading is ignited!
    Weldone Joan, this is some great knowledge and indeed it’s indeed true, when some boundaries are tasted you feel no offense because you are sure you can handle. Regards!

  3. Wante Martino says:
    10 months ago

    Joan, I think many of us are, or fail to observe and hence fail to do or mingle with other people who may actually have ended as good friends because of different ideologies and poor observations and interpretation of their intentions, just poor judgement!

    Good day
    Martino

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